Took dad to lunch today at Chancellor. Big portions - he certainly won't starve there. It wasn't bad, not gourmet, but acceptable. Everything was fairly soft, which makes sense. Lunch is the biggest meal, and they get snacks between all 3 meals. We ate in the private dining room, because there wasn't enough room for everyone where dad will be eating. Everyone is really nice there, very personable, and that makes things just a little bit easier.
We will get a deposit to them next week, which allows us to be on the waiting list. They have an opening now, but we wouldn't be ready to move him in this week, anyway. Mom will be working on getting his clothes labeled, and picking up some new undies and pajamas. We will get together some furniture so he can be comfy, and will bring photos, his model planes, etc., so he has some of his stuff around him. We may be on a waiting list for a few days, or a few weeks. It varies. If they call us, and we are not ready, we still stay on the waiting list.
We have a lot to do in the next little bit so we can be prepared. Mom is feeling guilty, understandably. Said she wished she could do better at taking care of him. I told her that things are at a point, that it wouldn't matter who was his caretaker - he needs to be somewhere safer. She is going to have a huge adjustment, but I honestly think that after things settle down, she will do better. Mary, the nurse, did say that the first few weeks may be difficult. Sometimes, the family needs to stay away for a bit to give the patient time to adjust. Sometimes, there aren't any problems. I told Mary that when the time actually comes to move him, we are going to need some help on how to tell him. She said that most of the time, it's best if they don't know much ahead of time. I told mom not to say anything to him at all, so I hope she doesn't. Stressed to her that there is no reason to say anything at this point. She feels guilty that we have to do all of this behind his back. Told her I know, but think about how confused he would be if something was said right now. She said she wouldn't say anything.
This is tough - for everyone. My heart hurts for my mom, because she is going to be separated from her best friend of 62 years. My heart hurts for my dad, because he isn't my dad anymore, and he just wants to pass on. I can't even imagine what goes on in his head. Once in awhile, he gets a glimmer of the old Chuck in his eyes. It's there very briefly, and then is replaced with a confused and sometimes, irritated look. The last few days have been better days, and I want to cry when my mom says, "maybe he is turning around." She knows he isn't, but always has that little piece of hope. If I was in her shoes after 62 years, I may want to hold onto that little piece of hope.
Kind of funny/sad story: Mom said she made popcorn last night. Dad came and sat by her, and just starting eating some. She said it was pleasant, and commented he has been very nice the last few days. That's when we talked about the pattern of nice/not so nice, and that he isn't making a turn around. Then mom said, "Wait a minute. He did tell me to shut up once or twice." This morning, he slapped his fist against his hand a few times, when he was irritated about having to change twice - put his undies and his clothes on backwards.
I rest my case. Not easy, but no other alternative at this time.
Yeah, the food was ok. Like Celia said, acceptable. It was hard being there yesterday and actually seing Dad sitting there. I was trying to imagine him there. But, all I could see was those times when none of the family will be there, and he's alone. Breaks my heart. And it is the same when I think about mom. Honestly, I have never thought about all this as much as I have the last month. I realize that Dad needs to be there so that he is safe, and mom's safe, but it doesn't make it any easier.
ReplyDeleteAs we talked abot before, we have a few of the items that Dad will need. And, I'll start looking at some pictures that I have. I'll email one or two to you Ann for the shadow box.