Talked to Deb - she spent some time with dad this afternoon, took him a shake. They looked at pictures and then she sat with him while he ate dinner. Beef burritos and fries. When she left, she told him she needed to get home and immediately saw his demeanor change. Said he would go home with her. She told him that the place he was in would take good care of him. He told her, "Just go do your stuff." Ouch. She gave him a kiss and left, but felt horrible. My immediate reaction was to get in the car and drive up to Layton, but then had to look at things from a non-emotional viewpoint. I called Trina, who is with dad tonight until 10:00. She said dad was agitated, but they were letting him sit in his chair for awhile to calm down. It's the best thing to do. I also spoke with Abby, because she had called me about some paperwork. She pointed out a couple of things to me, which makes sense. During dad's transition, and even after he is feeling comfortable, we will never know what will set him off. He is confused, knows he is not where he normally is, and is trying to understand. She said try not to internalize this, and remember that if the real Charlie was with us, he wouldn't be mad and would agree with what we are doing. She is right. The best thing to do when Alz patients get agitated, is to leave them alone, as long as they are not endangering themselves. The worst thing I could have done is drive up there - I could have started his agitation all over again/made it worse. When looked at from this perspective, it makes sense. It's hard not to look at it from an emotional standpoint. I told mom that dad had been upset - I didn't tell her how much, because I don't want her to start worrying. She is going to call there again in about an hour and see how he is doing. So, now we know not to say the word home. But, we may say something else that may set him off. Abby said they have had people get agitated by foods - something sparks a memory and off they go. It could be a color, or something that we wouldn't even think would spark anything.
Mom sounds good. Has been cleaning today, and going to see dad in the morning. I told her she could go again this afternoon, but she said, "I've already been down there today". I think once the newness of all of this wears off, she will feel like she can visit him several times a day. It's hard to walk in there and realize that we can stay as long as we like. There are no set visiting hours. If I decide to drive up to watch him sleep at 1:00 in the morning, I can. This is good, but again, needs time to get used to this. Dad is going to have good days, and not so good days in his new environment, just like he had when he was home. Need to remember this, and not expect that he will be happy all of the time.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
HaPpY HaPpY HaPpY
Mom just called from Chancellors and she was so happy I couldn't believe it!! Dad had a good night, (so did mom) he had breakfast and was now shaving. She was so upbeat and happy. Probably cuz she got some sleep and made it through her first alone night and because Dad is adjusting and seems ok. I will take it!!!!!
Some random thoughts
Since I am such a random kinda guy....It was a different experience this week taking our good ol' Dad to a care facility and actually leaving him there. The first time Celia and I walked outta there Monday afternoon after he fell asleep in his chair, it really choked me up. Course it didnt help me that Celia lost it too. Pop certainly knows where he is, just maybe not all the time. We had more lucid conversations in 3 days than we have had for 3 years. He looks around and you can see him trying to process what is happening. He asks about the girls working there, studies and points at the old ladies in their wheel chairs, stops and looks at the display cabinets outside other rooms, peers into other rooms if the door is open, wants to look out the window at "my mountains". I believe the mental stimulation he gets there, verses sittin on the couch and dozin' all day at home, will brighten up his poor brain more and he may even become a little more lucid. There is a lot going on all the time with all those goofy old folks doin' their thing. Ya can't help but smile at all the stuff happening... Lost teeth, my back hurts, lets sing, lets dance and hop around, randomly shout things, lets go hug the big guy in the Hawaiin shirt. Crazy!
Marione suggested I get Pop a Rubics cube, which I did. I mixed it up slightly, then showed him how to work it, explaining to him to try and get the white squares all on one side. He understood and sat there and worked away on that thing for a long time, then said he couldn't do it. Told him don't fret, I can't do it either. He is still very strong physically. While investigating the tool activity station, he was very interested is a small spring loaded wood clamp. He enjoyed squeazing it open with his big gnarley hand and clamping it on the pliars handle. It took Celia both hands to open it. Just one hand for him, no problem. It took him a minute to remember how to use a tape measure. He enjoyed having me extend it out and then him push the thumb thingy to lock it in place, then realease it to snap back in. Made him smile. We need to get him some other things like that to fiddle with, like some tinker toys, or something mechanical. I watched him work over the unplugged control box on an electric blanket for half an hour. He pressed the bottons and turned the knobs while studying it intently, trying to figure it out.
On Tues afternoon, when I told him I was leaving for a while, he said "Wait,,let me ask you something. How do you deal with solving the problems." I asked him what problems, but he lost his train of thought. I kept questioning him and finally figured out he wanted to know how to solve potential problems in this new enviroment. Typical Chuck. Explained to him that the nice girls were there to help and take care of him. Just tell them what you need or are concerned about, or need help with and they will help you. Does that make sense? He said " Yes, but it sure is odd".. Ann told him.. You are are right Dad,, it is odd isn't it. Yes it is..
I do believe we will see some noticable differences in him, and that was already started to happen by the 2nd day. He can go walk up and down that long hallway all he wants, so his legs and stamina are going to get stronger, verses teetering from room to room at home or just standing there looking out the window at the deep snow that he can't go out and walk in. That extra circulation may help his brain functionality also. It will be interesting to see if he does make some positive changes in his mind and body. I would suggest to anyone going to visit him, to maintain a positive smiling and laughing attitude around him all the time. He still likes to tease and laugh. He thinks it is funny to pretend like he is a doddering old man, and does that often, making us laugh and telling him to cut that out... Mention about what a great place this home is and how well they take care of him. He knows and understands things more than it may appear,,,it just fades in out out,,,but when it is there, you can tell,,, and so can he.
Marione suggested I get Pop a Rubics cube, which I did. I mixed it up slightly, then showed him how to work it, explaining to him to try and get the white squares all on one side. He understood and sat there and worked away on that thing for a long time, then said he couldn't do it. Told him don't fret, I can't do it either. He is still very strong physically. While investigating the tool activity station, he was very interested is a small spring loaded wood clamp. He enjoyed squeazing it open with his big gnarley hand and clamping it on the pliars handle. It took Celia both hands to open it. Just one hand for him, no problem. It took him a minute to remember how to use a tape measure. He enjoyed having me extend it out and then him push the thumb thingy to lock it in place, then realease it to snap back in. Made him smile. We need to get him some other things like that to fiddle with, like some tinker toys, or something mechanical. I watched him work over the unplugged control box on an electric blanket for half an hour. He pressed the bottons and turned the knobs while studying it intently, trying to figure it out.
On Tues afternoon, when I told him I was leaving for a while, he said "Wait,,let me ask you something. How do you deal with solving the problems." I asked him what problems, but he lost his train of thought. I kept questioning him and finally figured out he wanted to know how to solve potential problems in this new enviroment. Typical Chuck. Explained to him that the nice girls were there to help and take care of him. Just tell them what you need or are concerned about, or need help with and they will help you. Does that make sense? He said " Yes, but it sure is odd".. Ann told him.. You are are right Dad,, it is odd isn't it. Yes it is..
I do believe we will see some noticable differences in him, and that was already started to happen by the 2nd day. He can go walk up and down that long hallway all he wants, so his legs and stamina are going to get stronger, verses teetering from room to room at home or just standing there looking out the window at the deep snow that he can't go out and walk in. That extra circulation may help his brain functionality also. It will be interesting to see if he does make some positive changes in his mind and body. I would suggest to anyone going to visit him, to maintain a positive smiling and laughing attitude around him all the time. He still likes to tease and laugh. He thinks it is funny to pretend like he is a doddering old man, and does that often, making us laugh and telling him to cut that out... Mention about what a great place this home is and how well they take care of him. He knows and understands things more than it may appear,,,it just fades in out out,,,but when it is there, you can tell,,, and so can he.
Thursday Morning Update, 2/28
Talked mom first thing this morning. She had a good night, and sounded surprised. Said it was weird going to bed alone. Wasn't nervous, but did leave a frontroom lamp on low. She went to bed about 11:30, woke up about 3:00, wasn't up long. Then slept until 5:30. She sounded good, and a little suprised she was OK with everything. (whew!) Called Chancellor about 7:45, and talked with Sally. She said dad had a good night, and was already dressed and eating breakfast. No "Rocky" moments today. She said what he has been doing is completely normal for the situation, and he seems to be settling down. (Note: I am sure glad both folks had a good night. I know I was restless, and so was Ann. Should have conferenced called all the sibs in at 2:00 a.m.) This is a huge adjustment for all of us and will take a few days to sink in and get into a routine.
Mom is going to visit dad this morning, said she wanted to see him. Told her to just enjoy the company, even if he is sleeping. She will call when she gets back.
Mom is going to visit dad this morning, said she wanted to see him. Told her to just enjoy the company, even if he is sleeping. She will call when she gets back.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday
I left this morning to come home. I went to see Dad on my way out. He was just coming out of music therapy when I ran into him in the foyer. He said "well hello, look at you." I thought it looked like he knew who I was. I said Hi Dad, just who am I? He smiled and said "you"re my son." That got a laugh from everyone. I said, try again, My name is Ann, the daughter. But he was chuckling (no pun intended) and I don't really know if he knew me or not. I walked him down the long hall to his room, I could see he was pretty tired. We chatted about breakfast and music class and Addy. We got to his room and he sat in his chair and we talked a little about Idaho and the store and Gaylord and he did remember Kellie my daughter cuz Addy looks like her. Said he did, anyway. Then I tucked him into his blanket and he was kinda dozie and so I said well I'll go now so you can nap. He said, allright, I don't blame you. Kissed him goodbye and left. It's sooooo hard. He looks very alone and forgotten but I know he's not. I just hope he doesn't feel abandoned. He really is feelin it more than we thought he would. But I think with a little time he will be ok and adjust ok. The staff really seems to be wonderful and genuinely caring. They would have to be to do the things they do. I talked to Tiara the gal who helped him get dressed this morning and she said he's been pretty nice and mild except for when she was helping this morning he took one swing at her but she saw it coming and moved out of the way. Other than that, he's doing pretty good. The poor guy, it's all so new and he doesn't have the capability to put it all into words. He does seem to like the food tho.
Mom is having quite a hard time. Yesterday when we were at the music hour the guy was playing and singing love songs from their era and mom and dad were sitting there holding hands and mom was crying. All that sentimentality and memories was just a little too much. She said it felt like she was leaving him all over again. She has such tender feelings right now and I can only imagine how she is feeling it. Her half is back there at Chancellor and she has to get used to her new life alone and living alone and she's got quite an adjustment to go through. It's grief, plain to see. I felt bad leaving her today and coming home. BUT, she is determined to do it, to get adjusted and get used to her new life. I could have stayed a few more days, but then thought that maybe she needs to just get on with it and not be dependant on someone there all the time. She didn't go there today to see Dad. She felt she needed a little while to adjust and not have to see him and go through all that emotion again. So she can call anytime she wants for an update on him and when she feels ready she will go back there. She loves the phone calls and the support from family and friends. She's quite the chatty Kathy when she gets calls so that helps. Tonite will be her first night alone. We told her if she wakes up and needs to talk, feel free to call. I'm awake half the time anyway. So.....we'll see what the next few days bring. Let's hope and pray it's all good.
Mom is having quite a hard time. Yesterday when we were at the music hour the guy was playing and singing love songs from their era and mom and dad were sitting there holding hands and mom was crying. All that sentimentality and memories was just a little too much. She said it felt like she was leaving him all over again. She has such tender feelings right now and I can only imagine how she is feeling it. Her half is back there at Chancellor and she has to get used to her new life alone and living alone and she's got quite an adjustment to go through. It's grief, plain to see. I felt bad leaving her today and coming home. BUT, she is determined to do it, to get adjusted and get used to her new life. I could have stayed a few more days, but then thought that maybe she needs to just get on with it and not be dependant on someone there all the time. She didn't go there today to see Dad. She felt she needed a little while to adjust and not have to see him and go through all that emotion again. So she can call anytime she wants for an update on him and when she feels ready she will go back there. She loves the phone calls and the support from family and friends. She's quite the chatty Kathy when she gets calls so that helps. Tonite will be her first night alone. We told her if she wakes up and needs to talk, feel free to call. I'm awake half the time anyway. So.....we'll see what the next few days bring. Let's hope and pray it's all good.
Tuesday Evening, 2/26
Got a call from Trent last night. He was up at the folks house with mom and Ann, after dropping in on pop.
Trent walked walked into dad's room and dad was standing in the middle of the bathroom, shaking his head saying, "It's just not right." Over and over. Trent couldn't figure out what he meant, and when they walked out of the bathroom, it hit him: Some of Rick's stuff was gone. Dad pointed to an empty space, where a table had been, and said again, "It's just not right." At that time, Trina, the nurse on duty walked in, and said they had a little problem earlier. A couple of aides had come into the room and started taking Rick's stuff, and pop started swinging at them. No one was hurt, and pop was just defending what he thought was his own stuff and territory. Trina said they goofed - had she been told that was going to happen, she would have taken pop out of the room. Pop was rightfully thinking these people were taking his things. Trent talked to him, explained to him that the things they took weren't his, and took him for a walk down the hall. He started to calm down. When they got back to the room, Trina had boxed up all of the personal things of Rick's in the bathroom. Pop was tired - he had quite the busy day yesterday. Trent told him that Trina was going to help him get ready for bed, and he needed to be nice, because she was his friend. Later on, mom called and was told pop was just getting into bed.
Trent walked walked into dad's room and dad was standing in the middle of the bathroom, shaking his head saying, "It's just not right." Over and over. Trent couldn't figure out what he meant, and when they walked out of the bathroom, it hit him: Some of Rick's stuff was gone. Dad pointed to an empty space, where a table had been, and said again, "It's just not right." At that time, Trina, the nurse on duty walked in, and said they had a little problem earlier. A couple of aides had come into the room and started taking Rick's stuff, and pop started swinging at them. No one was hurt, and pop was just defending what he thought was his own stuff and territory. Trina said they goofed - had she been told that was going to happen, she would have taken pop out of the room. Pop was rightfully thinking these people were taking his things. Trent talked to him, explained to him that the things they took weren't his, and took him for a walk down the hall. He started to calm down. When they got back to the room, Trina had boxed up all of the personal things of Rick's in the bathroom. Pop was tired - he had quite the busy day yesterday. Trent told him that Trina was going to help him get ready for bed, and he needed to be nice, because she was his friend. Later on, mom called and was told pop was just getting into bed.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Chuck's Move
It has been crazy the last 4 days, so I will give a summary.
We moved furniture and clothes in on Saturday and Sunday. Met pop's roommate, Rick. He was doing well, and when I talked to his wife Sunday morning, she said he had taken a turn for the worse. Trent and I went back Sunday afternoon, and Rick looked horrible. By Sunday evening, all of his family had gathered, so we couldn't take in any more belongings. The nurse said Rick wasn't expected to make it through the night. Trent and went to Chancellor on Monday morning, and Rick did pass away. Dad's move was still on, though. It was weird to be moving things in and then suddenly, Rick was gone.
Trent, Ann, and I took the folks to the place on Monday morning. Showed dad his room, and told him the doctor wanted him to stay for a few days to see how he does. Dad was confused and very disoriented, and glared at all of his. He knew what was going on. We tired to get him to go have lunch, but he slapped his hands together and raised his voice, "That's not going to work." Mom, Ann, and I decided it was time to leave, and Trent hung out with pop. They brought a lunch tray down and he wouldn't eat anything, not even ice cream. He fell asleep and Trent left, but he came back later. Dad was awake and rested. Told Trent, "I didn't know we were gonna do this today." Trent explained to him that he needed to be in place that could help him more, and mom wasn't able to do it any longer, and this was the way he had things set up. Dad just nodded. Guess he ate a good dinner last night, and wandered around the place a little. I stopped in about 7:30, and he was getting ready for bed. He didn't recognize me, couldn't believe it when I told him he had 2 daughters and 3 sons. Said, "Wow, I was active, wasn't I?" He was very formal with me, very pleasant. Thanked me for stopping by. He really wanted to go to bed, so I left.
Mom called the place shortly after 8 this morning, to see how dad was doing. He had a good night, but when the nurse was helping him get dressed this morning, he popped her arm a few times. She just left him, to diffuse the situation. When Trent and I got there, he was in his room, fully dressed. Same clothes as yesterday, but at least he had finished dressing himself. He knew who we were. Said some guy tried to jump him and take his money, but he clomped on him a few times, and "that was the end of that." We walked down to breakfast, and he inhaled pancakes, sausage, bananas, and juice. He kept saying how people were trying to take his money, and he needed to hit them. We explained to him that everyone there is his friend and trying to help him. Told him that he actually hit Melinda, and she was trying to help him get dressed. You could see the wheels turning, and things were sinking in that he had hit the nurse, not a guy. Told him his other daughter, Ann,and his wife, Shirley, would be visiting him in the afternoon. He asked how many wives he had. Trent told him 6, just like all good palligamists did, and he laughed. He then asked what color they were, and Trent told him white. After breakfast, we walked around the halls and took him to all the activity stations. They have one for fishing, tools, and airplanes. It was clear this was very stimulating to dad, because he started remembering things from 40 years ago. He also sat down and played the organ, and plunked around on the piano. We took him down to the end of the hall, by his room, and showed him how he could look at the window and watch the trucks on the freeway. He then started to remember about the trucks delivering stuff to the store. Amazing! He was tired, so we moved his chair in the room to face the window and he fell asleep. By the way, he did say during our activity time, that he hoped he hadn't hurt "that girl" too much. He understood what had happened, and had been thinking about it.
At 2:00 today, there was a musical performance, so Ann and mom went down. Ann sent pics, and it looks like pop was really enjoying himself. He also sat down at the organ again, and was even using the foot pedals. Ann will try and slip down later tonight. Both Ann and Trent go home tomorrow, and I am now home.
Mom seems to be relieved and guilty, all at once. I can tell you, when we left him there on Monday, it was tough, but there was a huge sense of relief. Mom did perk up yesterday, she has enjoyed just being home and not having to be "on" so much. I do think she will struggle with this new normal, especially when everyone leaves tomorrow. I think she was almost a little nervous about going to visit dad. Not sure if she was just thinking he wasn't going to do well, or nervous that he wouldn't remember her. Ann did say pop did remember mom, may have remembered her, but wasn't sure.
I think dad will be fine, once he gets adjusted. It will be good to get the rest of Rick's stuff out of the room, and we can move more of his own stuff in. His favorite sofa and a tv. He will get the stimulation and care that he needs there, and you an tell that the staff cares about the patients. They want to be there, it's not just a job.
The last few days have been very emotional, but good. Each time I have left dad these past few days, I have cried. It's just so weird to have him someplace other than sitting in the sofa on the window. When he is the nice Charlie, he is such a sweet little old man. You just never know if you are going to get the sweet Charlie, or the paranoid Charlie.
We moved furniture and clothes in on Saturday and Sunday. Met pop's roommate, Rick. He was doing well, and when I talked to his wife Sunday morning, she said he had taken a turn for the worse. Trent and I went back Sunday afternoon, and Rick looked horrible. By Sunday evening, all of his family had gathered, so we couldn't take in any more belongings. The nurse said Rick wasn't expected to make it through the night. Trent and went to Chancellor on Monday morning, and Rick did pass away. Dad's move was still on, though. It was weird to be moving things in and then suddenly, Rick was gone.
Trent, Ann, and I took the folks to the place on Monday morning. Showed dad his room, and told him the doctor wanted him to stay for a few days to see how he does. Dad was confused and very disoriented, and glared at all of his. He knew what was going on. We tired to get him to go have lunch, but he slapped his hands together and raised his voice, "That's not going to work." Mom, Ann, and I decided it was time to leave, and Trent hung out with pop. They brought a lunch tray down and he wouldn't eat anything, not even ice cream. He fell asleep and Trent left, but he came back later. Dad was awake and rested. Told Trent, "I didn't know we were gonna do this today." Trent explained to him that he needed to be in place that could help him more, and mom wasn't able to do it any longer, and this was the way he had things set up. Dad just nodded. Guess he ate a good dinner last night, and wandered around the place a little. I stopped in about 7:30, and he was getting ready for bed. He didn't recognize me, couldn't believe it when I told him he had 2 daughters and 3 sons. Said, "Wow, I was active, wasn't I?" He was very formal with me, very pleasant. Thanked me for stopping by. He really wanted to go to bed, so I left.
Mom called the place shortly after 8 this morning, to see how dad was doing. He had a good night, but when the nurse was helping him get dressed this morning, he popped her arm a few times. She just left him, to diffuse the situation. When Trent and I got there, he was in his room, fully dressed. Same clothes as yesterday, but at least he had finished dressing himself. He knew who we were. Said some guy tried to jump him and take his money, but he clomped on him a few times, and "that was the end of that." We walked down to breakfast, and he inhaled pancakes, sausage, bananas, and juice. He kept saying how people were trying to take his money, and he needed to hit them. We explained to him that everyone there is his friend and trying to help him. Told him that he actually hit Melinda, and she was trying to help him get dressed. You could see the wheels turning, and things were sinking in that he had hit the nurse, not a guy. Told him his other daughter, Ann,and his wife, Shirley, would be visiting him in the afternoon. He asked how many wives he had. Trent told him 6, just like all good palligamists did, and he laughed. He then asked what color they were, and Trent told him white. After breakfast, we walked around the halls and took him to all the activity stations. They have one for fishing, tools, and airplanes. It was clear this was very stimulating to dad, because he started remembering things from 40 years ago. He also sat down and played the organ, and plunked around on the piano. We took him down to the end of the hall, by his room, and showed him how he could look at the window and watch the trucks on the freeway. He then started to remember about the trucks delivering stuff to the store. Amazing! He was tired, so we moved his chair in the room to face the window and he fell asleep. By the way, he did say during our activity time, that he hoped he hadn't hurt "that girl" too much. He understood what had happened, and had been thinking about it.
At 2:00 today, there was a musical performance, so Ann and mom went down. Ann sent pics, and it looks like pop was really enjoying himself. He also sat down at the organ again, and was even using the foot pedals. Ann will try and slip down later tonight. Both Ann and Trent go home tomorrow, and I am now home.
Mom seems to be relieved and guilty, all at once. I can tell you, when we left him there on Monday, it was tough, but there was a huge sense of relief. Mom did perk up yesterday, she has enjoyed just being home and not having to be "on" so much. I do think she will struggle with this new normal, especially when everyone leaves tomorrow. I think she was almost a little nervous about going to visit dad. Not sure if she was just thinking he wasn't going to do well, or nervous that he wouldn't remember her. Ann did say pop did remember mom, may have remembered her, but wasn't sure.
I think dad will be fine, once he gets adjusted. It will be good to get the rest of Rick's stuff out of the room, and we can move more of his own stuff in. His favorite sofa and a tv. He will get the stimulation and care that he needs there, and you an tell that the staff cares about the patients. They want to be there, it's not just a job.
The last few days have been very emotional, but good. Each time I have left dad these past few days, I have cried. It's just so weird to have him someplace other than sitting in the sofa on the window. When he is the nice Charlie, he is such a sweet little old man. You just never know if you are going to get the sweet Charlie, or the paranoid Charlie.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Thursday, 2/21
Talked to mom this morning. Another rough night. Guess she had to get dad in the shower this morning at 5:00, because he didn't make it to the bathroom. He didn't give her a bad time, though.
Mom called me 5 times last night. Today is the day she takes all of dad's meds to Chancellor, but needs to keep out enough of everything to get her though Monday morning. I wrote everything down on Tuesday, and we talked about it over and over. She is so scattered, she remembers very little of what we have discussed. I walked her through everything last night, and then again this morning. Going for dad'a protime this morning, and then once she gets the protime results, she will call the nurse at Chancellor, and then take all the meds to them. Feel bad for her, this is much for her to absorb.
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Thursday afternoon
Talked to mom. She did get everything down to Chancellor, and was pretty emotional. She can't believe this is happening, agreed with her. The memory care does have an organ in the hallway, and dad will have to walk right by it at least twice a day. Maybe he will get the inclination to play again. She sounded pretty down, not sure she will call Lisa tonight. Encouraged her to call her, gives her a break. She sounded a little down, said 4 more nights with him. Agreed that it is sad, but we need to remember the reasons for doing this. And, dad will have more stimulation. Will call her later tonight.
Mom called me 5 times last night. Today is the day she takes all of dad's meds to Chancellor, but needs to keep out enough of everything to get her though Monday morning. I wrote everything down on Tuesday, and we talked about it over and over. She is so scattered, she remembers very little of what we have discussed. I walked her through everything last night, and then again this morning. Going for dad'a protime this morning, and then once she gets the protime results, she will call the nurse at Chancellor, and then take all the meds to them. Feel bad for her, this is much for her to absorb.
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Thursday afternoon
Talked to mom. She did get everything down to Chancellor, and was pretty emotional. She can't believe this is happening, agreed with her. The memory care does have an organ in the hallway, and dad will have to walk right by it at least twice a day. Maybe he will get the inclination to play again. She sounded pretty down, not sure she will call Lisa tonight. Encouraged her to call her, gives her a break. She sounded a little down, said 4 more nights with him. Agreed that it is sad, but we need to remember the reasons for doing this. And, dad will have more stimulation. Will call her later tonight.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Wednesday, 2/20
Talked to mom this morning. Tired. Dad was up and down all night, either wandering or going to the bathroom. Lisa was trying to get him into the shower, because his pajamas were damp. Don't know if he missed or had a real accident. He is "a bear" today, stark contrast to yesterday. You just don't know what you you're going to get from day to day, or even hour to hour.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Tuesday, Feb 19
Went to Chancellor today, and signed all the papers, etc. We were there over 2 hours - talking, signing papers, and checking out dad's room.
We will take dad on Monday at 10:30. This will give him a chance to eat lunch, hang out for the afternoon activities, and eat dinner. Depending on how he does, we may or may not get to visit that night. It might be good for maybe one or two of us to go back, but we have to play it by ear. When we do go see him, if he starts to ask to come home, or gets agitated, that is a sign that we need cut our visit short. We will move everything in Sat and Sun. We can put up his plane pictures on his side of the room, and even hang his planes form the ceiling. Dad may like having a roommate, or he may want to be in a private when his roommate passes on. (See below). His level of personal care has increased since the assessment in January, so the decision about a private vs. shared, may need to be discussed, as his need of additional care has jumped from $800 to $1100 per month, after the insurance kicks in. (90 days). We will have to wait and see.
His room is at the furthest end of the building, by the freeway. This is good, because dad likes to walk. You can't hear the cars at all. His room faces south, and he can look out and see the mountains, the freeway, and the flower boxes he will be able to plant stuff in this Spring. He will also be able to check the time and temperature on the hospital sign, if he stands there long enough, and can read it. His roommate is named Rick, and he is in his late 50's - early onset of Alz. He has some additional conditions, so they don't expect him to be around much longer. We didn't meet him, but didn't wave at him across the room. (They also have a woman who is 52, with early onset. She was taking a walk, and she looks 80. Very advanced, very sad. There are worse things than what we are going through!)
They suggest not taking dad out anywhere for the first month, which makes sense. We can go visit him any time, day or night. We can also call and check on him any time we want. They will take over all the renewing of his meds, and when he has a dr appointment, they will take him and mom can meet them there, then take him back. That will be nice for mom.
Part of the paperwork was to list all kids, brothers/sisters, hobbies. What makes dad laugh, what makes him sad. (I put burps for making him laugh, nothing for sad - he doesn't get sad.) It was fun to go through that, because it made stop and think about his hobbies, and how much he enjoyed fishing, planes, cars, camping, anything outside.
Dad was having a good day today. Makes it harder, because he was such a sweetie. When I walked in, he said, "Hi, daughter." He hasn't recognized me in months. He was joking around, and pretending to be feeble and not being able to walk. Then, he would smile and chuckle. Lisa was just getting him in the shower when we left. When we returned, he was playing the organ. HE HASN'T PLAYED IN MONTHS! He was stumbling around on the keys, but you could still pick out some sort of melody. Guess after lunch, dad asked where his "honey" was. Lisa told him out doing errands, and he grabbed his shoes to go look for her. On the way out the door, he was distracted by the organ. When Lisa asked him if he played, he told her no. Then told her maybe, then started playing. I notice that when he is around other people, he is more stimulated. I think being around other people and activities at the place will be good for him.
I lost it a couple of times today - couldn't help it. This was a big WHAM today, and we have the final WHAM on Monday. That won't be easy to leave Our Pop there, but we all know it's the best thing for both of them. Gonna be hard, though, not gonna lie. I kissed his head when I left today, told him I would see him on Saturday. He was half asleep and mumbled something. I couldn't stop crying when I left, and still have my moments this afternoon. It was an emotional day, but good to get everything done, etc.
We will take dad on Monday at 10:30. This will give him a chance to eat lunch, hang out for the afternoon activities, and eat dinner. Depending on how he does, we may or may not get to visit that night. It might be good for maybe one or two of us to go back, but we have to play it by ear. When we do go see him, if he starts to ask to come home, or gets agitated, that is a sign that we need cut our visit short. We will move everything in Sat and Sun. We can put up his plane pictures on his side of the room, and even hang his planes form the ceiling. Dad may like having a roommate, or he may want to be in a private when his roommate passes on. (See below). His level of personal care has increased since the assessment in January, so the decision about a private vs. shared, may need to be discussed, as his need of additional care has jumped from $800 to $1100 per month, after the insurance kicks in. (90 days). We will have to wait and see.
His room is at the furthest end of the building, by the freeway. This is good, because dad likes to walk. You can't hear the cars at all. His room faces south, and he can look out and see the mountains, the freeway, and the flower boxes he will be able to plant stuff in this Spring. He will also be able to check the time and temperature on the hospital sign, if he stands there long enough, and can read it. His roommate is named Rick, and he is in his late 50's - early onset of Alz. He has some additional conditions, so they don't expect him to be around much longer. We didn't meet him, but didn't wave at him across the room. (They also have a woman who is 52, with early onset. She was taking a walk, and she looks 80. Very advanced, very sad. There are worse things than what we are going through!)
They suggest not taking dad out anywhere for the first month, which makes sense. We can go visit him any time, day or night. We can also call and check on him any time we want. They will take over all the renewing of his meds, and when he has a dr appointment, they will take him and mom can meet them there, then take him back. That will be nice for mom.
Part of the paperwork was to list all kids, brothers/sisters, hobbies. What makes dad laugh, what makes him sad. (I put burps for making him laugh, nothing for sad - he doesn't get sad.) It was fun to go through that, because it made stop and think about his hobbies, and how much he enjoyed fishing, planes, cars, camping, anything outside.
Dad was having a good day today. Makes it harder, because he was such a sweetie. When I walked in, he said, "Hi, daughter." He hasn't recognized me in months. He was joking around, and pretending to be feeble and not being able to walk. Then, he would smile and chuckle. Lisa was just getting him in the shower when we left. When we returned, he was playing the organ. HE HASN'T PLAYED IN MONTHS! He was stumbling around on the keys, but you could still pick out some sort of melody. Guess after lunch, dad asked where his "honey" was. Lisa told him out doing errands, and he grabbed his shoes to go look for her. On the way out the door, he was distracted by the organ. When Lisa asked him if he played, he told her no. Then told her maybe, then started playing. I notice that when he is around other people, he is more stimulated. I think being around other people and activities at the place will be good for him.
I lost it a couple of times today - couldn't help it. This was a big WHAM today, and we have the final WHAM on Monday. That won't be easy to leave Our Pop there, but we all know it's the best thing for both of them. Gonna be hard, though, not gonna lie. I kissed his head when I left today, told him I would see him on Saturday. He was half asleep and mumbled something. I couldn't stop crying when I left, and still have my moments this afternoon. It was an emotional day, but good to get everything done, etc.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sunday afternoon
We had the parents over this afternoon for dinner. Mom wanted to drive over, so I didn't go pick them up. They came over a little while before dinner was ready. That's good, because dad was able to get a nap in before eating. Dad ate well. He couldn't finish his roll though, but everything else was gone. He seemed very confused today, but not overly agitated. Mom was happy to get out of the house and have someone else cook. Of course she ate with much gusto. After dinner, they both fell asleep. Mom was resting her head on dads shoulder. I'm not sure if she meant to do that. She does sleep in some weird positions sometimes. It was kinda neat to see that though. Dad kept waking up and elbowing her. I don't think he liked it. He would go right back to sleep. They stayed for about 4 hrs. Mom called when they got home.
Debbie said that mom told her today that she was ready for dad to be gone. She said it pretty bluntly I guess. It kinda surprised Deb, but I can understand. I think this last week with Lisa there taking care of dad, mom felt at ease. The last two days she has had to do it, and I think it just brings it all into perspective; she can't do this anymore. She told me yesterday that she is looking forward to being able to come and go as she pleases. She feels guilty I know, but she is also seeing that her time as a caregiver is coming to an end, and I think she feels some relief as well. It will be a difficult week for her I think. I'm so glad that we have the family ties that we do. Mom is really going to need that support the next few weeks.
I forgot to mention that I spoke with David last night, telling him everything that is going on and what will be happening in the next week. I will keep him updated throughout the week, but one of you other sibs needs to keep him updated the following week cuz I won't be able to. I'll be checking the blog and you can always email. If there are any emergencies let Deb know please. Thanks guys.
Debbie said that mom told her today that she was ready for dad to be gone. She said it pretty bluntly I guess. It kinda surprised Deb, but I can understand. I think this last week with Lisa there taking care of dad, mom felt at ease. The last two days she has had to do it, and I think it just brings it all into perspective; she can't do this anymore. She told me yesterday that she is looking forward to being able to come and go as she pleases. She feels guilty I know, but she is also seeing that her time as a caregiver is coming to an end, and I think she feels some relief as well. It will be a difficult week for her I think. I'm so glad that we have the family ties that we do. Mom is really going to need that support the next few weeks.
I forgot to mention that I spoke with David last night, telling him everything that is going on and what will be happening in the next week. I will keep him updated throughout the week, but one of you other sibs needs to keep him updated the following week cuz I won't be able to. I'll be checking the blog and you can always email. If there are any emergencies let Deb know please. Thanks guys.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Move In Day
It's official. We will move dad into the facility on Feb 25th. This will give us time next week to get all the paperwork done with the facility, have the doctor sign some forms, and move furniture in. The doctor has to sign about 6 pages, but he is only in 1.5 days next week - at the end of the week. He is committed to having the papers done by next Friday afternoon.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Reality
Got the call from Chancellor. They have a shared room open. After mom and I talked a few times, she said to go ahead with it. Left a message for Tammy that we will take it, and hope that a private room opens up soon. Asked her to call me to discuss next steps.
Reality is right here in front of us. We all know and agree it's the best thing, but it sucks. Really.
Reality is right here in front of us. We all know and agree it's the best thing, but it sucks. Really.
Thursday Morning
Talked with mom yesterday and this morning. She was so relaxed yesterday, it was amazing. She said dad seemed to be in a better mood, too. She loves Lisa!
Talked with her a few minutes ago, and she was getting to ready to go visit with Ada. She was so excited. Said dad got up to go to the bathroom last night, and he couldn't find his way back to bed. He was giving Lisa a little bit of a hard time this morning, but mom said, "she is so good at dealing with him".
Talked with her a few minutes ago, and she was getting to ready to go visit with Ada. She was so excited. Said dad got up to go to the bathroom last night, and he couldn't find his way back to bed. He was giving Lisa a little bit of a hard time this morning, but mom said, "she is so good at dealing with him".
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Tuesday Afternoon
Talked to mom. Success! Things worked out very well this morning with Lisa, and she will be returning tonight so mom can attend a viewing. Dad didn't give Lisa any problems at all, and she helped him shower and dress. Mom got some errands done, and wandered around a little bit. She was in a great mood, feels very comfortable with Lisa, and dad was doing well. Whew!
Tuesday Update
Just talked to mom, Lisa was there and they were all getting acquainted. Rough night. Dad got up to go to the bathroom and got lost, so guess he had an accident. Mom said she got him cleaned up and back to bed. He slept until about 9:00. They are now eating breakfast, and then Lisa is going to get dad cleaned up. Mom is going to take off for a little bit. Said she is not sure what to do, but she will get a few errands done and maybe go see Ada.
Tammy, from Chancellor, left a message on my home machine late yesterday. Said she knows dad has gotten worse, and she wanted to let us know that it shouldn't be too much longer. They have a few very frail patients with medical issues, and we should be getting a call soon. In other words, someone is going to die and that will free up a bed for dad. Ugh - this doesn't seem right, but it is the truth. Part of life we don't like to think about, but it is right here in front of us. I told mom of the message for Tammy. She is now wondering if a shared room would be a good thing. Told her it's not the best, but at least dad would get in there. If a shared comes up first, she can say no, but we don't know how much longer he would need to wait for a private room. I just told Chancellor on Saturday, that we would take a shared room, if that opened up first. Mom said she would think about it more. Shared wouldn't be the best, but again, we don't know how much longer we would wait for a private room.
Told mom I would call her this afternoon. She was in good spirits, but I think a little lost with what to do with her free time away.
Tammy, from Chancellor, left a message on my home machine late yesterday. Said she knows dad has gotten worse, and she wanted to let us know that it shouldn't be too much longer. They have a few very frail patients with medical issues, and we should be getting a call soon. In other words, someone is going to die and that will free up a bed for dad. Ugh - this doesn't seem right, but it is the truth. Part of life we don't like to think about, but it is right here in front of us. I told mom of the message for Tammy. She is now wondering if a shared room would be a good thing. Told her it's not the best, but at least dad would get in there. If a shared comes up first, she can say no, but we don't know how much longer he would need to wait for a private room. I just told Chancellor on Saturday, that we would take a shared room, if that opened up first. Mom said she would think about it more. Shared wouldn't be the best, but again, we don't know how much longer we would wait for a private room.
Told mom I would call her this afternoon. She was in good spirits, but I think a little lost with what to do with her free time away.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monday Morning Update
Talked to mom this morning. Said the night was good, but dad was really restless. Neither of them slept very well, but no particular reason. They were getting ready to go the the cardiology check up. Mom started talking about having a nurse. She just doesn't know how it's going to work out, doesn't feel like she will need her every day. Most of the time, dad just sleeps on the couch. Told her it will take a few days to get things worked out, and not to stress about it. The cool thing about having Lisa there, is that mom can go do some errands, and go visit with her friends. Won't have to worry about dad, as Lisa can be with him. Well, what if he doesn't get up until 9:00? Told her than Lisa can read a magazine. Told her not to worry so much. Lisa is flexible, and this is going to be good for both of them. It will all work out. The last thing she needs is to worry about all of this. She is trying not to worry. Agreed to call her later this afternoon.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Introducing Lisa
Today we had the parents over for dinner as usual. I picked them up around 1:30 and everything was fine. Dad ate well today. Cleaned his plate up really good. After dinner Deb buzzed his head, including the ears. Gag. Mom had said before Deb started cutting that she didn't want it cut so close. So Deb tried cutting it a little longer, but dads hair is so fine and he has so many bald spots, it looked pretty bad. So he got a butch. He looks good with his head shaved I think. Took them home around 4 to meet the nurse at 5.
The nurse's name is Lisa Roberts. She is Deb's age and lives in Layton. We went to school with her at Layton High. Her husband is a truck driver, owner-operator and is gone for weeks at a time. She has three boys. The oldest is 23 and is married and lives with them. The other two are 17 and 14. She is a registered CNA, and has worked with Alz patients before. She is very friendly and outgoing. When she came in the door, she immediately put mom at ease. She asked what stage of Alz was dad at. She asked all the right things. Once she started talking about Alz and asking about dad, I could see mom becoming more comfortable. The one thing that Lisa said to mom that I really liked was that she is not there to "take over". She said that she was going to be there for mom too, and she would do whatever mom wanted her to do. We discussed the hours she would be there. She will be getting there between 8 and 8:30 each morning, Monday through Friday. She will stay until around 11 or so, or longer if needed. That way she can get dad ready for the day while mom is getting ready and maybe fixing breakfast. That may help them start eating breakfast earlier. It would also help mom if she needs to get dad ready for any appointment they may have. She would come back around 7pm and stay till 9 or 10 to help get dad settled and in bed if needed. Lisa has a very good understanding of sundowners in Alz patients. That time of night after the sun sets is difficult, and we have seen that with dad. Mom was really worried about how she would interact with a nurse. Lisa put her at ease by saying they can work that out. While she was there, Lisa talked with dad, telling him that she was going to come and hang out with him on Tuesday. Dad said that would be fine, with a grin of course. She will start Tuesday morning instead of tomorrow, because dad has a doctor appointment in the morning. It ended well. Lisa also told mom that she could call her anytime, anytime of the night as well. Mom write down Lisa's number, and I gave Lisa Celia's cell number and mine. She also has Debs. I talked with Lisa in the drive way after. She is really excited about this and is glad to help. She texted Deb later and told her the same thing. After she left, mom was feeling a lot better about the whole thing. She has a little trepidation about how it's all going to work, but she said she really liked Lisa. I think it will work out great.
This will be a good thing for both mom and dad. It should take some pressure off mom. I explained to Lisa that mom goes back and forth. Somedays she is good, and somedays are horrible for her. Mom is going through some guilt too, but that is normal for those who live with and take care of Alz patients. This may also help both of them transition and be more comfortable when we move dad into Chancellor. I told Lisa to Let us know on Tuesday how it goes. It will be interesting that's for sure, but I feel very good about this.
The nurse's name is Lisa Roberts. She is Deb's age and lives in Layton. We went to school with her at Layton High. Her husband is a truck driver, owner-operator and is gone for weeks at a time. She has three boys. The oldest is 23 and is married and lives with them. The other two are 17 and 14. She is a registered CNA, and has worked with Alz patients before. She is very friendly and outgoing. When she came in the door, she immediately put mom at ease. She asked what stage of Alz was dad at. She asked all the right things. Once she started talking about Alz and asking about dad, I could see mom becoming more comfortable. The one thing that Lisa said to mom that I really liked was that she is not there to "take over". She said that she was going to be there for mom too, and she would do whatever mom wanted her to do. We discussed the hours she would be there. She will be getting there between 8 and 8:30 each morning, Monday through Friday. She will stay until around 11 or so, or longer if needed. That way she can get dad ready for the day while mom is getting ready and maybe fixing breakfast. That may help them start eating breakfast earlier. It would also help mom if she needs to get dad ready for any appointment they may have. She would come back around 7pm and stay till 9 or 10 to help get dad settled and in bed if needed. Lisa has a very good understanding of sundowners in Alz patients. That time of night after the sun sets is difficult, and we have seen that with dad. Mom was really worried about how she would interact with a nurse. Lisa put her at ease by saying they can work that out. While she was there, Lisa talked with dad, telling him that she was going to come and hang out with him on Tuesday. Dad said that would be fine, with a grin of course. She will start Tuesday morning instead of tomorrow, because dad has a doctor appointment in the morning. It ended well. Lisa also told mom that she could call her anytime, anytime of the night as well. Mom write down Lisa's number, and I gave Lisa Celia's cell number and mine. She also has Debs. I talked with Lisa in the drive way after. She is really excited about this and is glad to help. She texted Deb later and told her the same thing. After she left, mom was feeling a lot better about the whole thing. She has a little trepidation about how it's all going to work, but she said she really liked Lisa. I think it will work out great.
This will be a good thing for both mom and dad. It should take some pressure off mom. I explained to Lisa that mom goes back and forth. Somedays she is good, and somedays are horrible for her. Mom is going through some guilt too, but that is normal for those who live with and take care of Alz patients. This may also help both of them transition and be more comfortable when we move dad into Chancellor. I told Lisa to Let us know on Tuesday how it goes. It will be interesting that's for sure, but I feel very good about this.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Summary of the Week
We've had a busy week, so I will try and summarize for everyone to get caught up.
Was getting ready for work Monday morning, and mom called about 7:00. They had been up for several hours, and dad hadn't been able to pee. Was in a lot of pain. Because of the weather and fog, told her to call 911, and I would meet her at the hospital. Dad was in sooo much pain when I got there, they hadn't put in a catheter yet. He was doubled over on the hospital and shivering like crazy. We left the room when they put the catheter in, and that gave him a ton of relief. All of the tests on his kidneys and urine came back good, so the doc's thinking was dad probably had a swollen prostate and to leave the cath in for a few days, then got to his personal physician and get it taken out.
We took dad home in the afternoon, and got him settled on the couch. Showed mom how to drain the catheter bag, and then Eric stopped by that evening. He got dad settled in bed, then returned Tuesday morning. Dad has had a tough time making it to the bathroom, so Eric showered him and got him cleaned up. Ann came down that afternoon, and stayed for a few days. She took dad to his doc on Wednesday, and the cath was taken out. Dad didn't start going to the bathroom until later Wednesday evening, but at least could go on his own.
BUT - apparently, his innards are pretty sensitive, because he has been going a lot. Ann left on Thursday, and mom was sad to see her go. Friday wasn't a good day at all. Mom said dad was mean, kept having accidents, and she was really on edge. Eric and I both talked with her last night, and told her to just let him sit on his couch, and try to get him to bed later. She did, and they had a good night until about 5:00 this morning. Dad suddenly got out of bed, and was urinating on the bedroom floor. Wouldn't let mom help him, was yelling at mom, and she called Eric. When Eric got there, dad was sitting on the bed in his wet clothes. Eric got him to the shower, but dad clenched his fists at him a couple of times and Eric was preparing to get smacked, but it didn't happen. Got him showered, and ended up putting an adult diaper on him, just in case. Tucked him back in bed, and dad slept for a few more hours. I headed up about 8:30, and when I got there, Eric had just cleaned up from cooking them breakfast. Dad was in his usual spot, and mom was pretty rattled. We talked to her about getting a nurse in at night to help, and she is very resistant to this. Told her that we aren't always going to be able to come over, and if Eric is out of town, as he will be soon, I am too far away. Went to the store for her, and we both hung out until this afternoon. Mom is pretty down on herself. Feels guilty that she can't take are of dad, and that she gets upset. I told her this is like anything else in life - you do the best you can do at the time, and she has done really good. Dad has deteriorated a lot in the last 2-3 weeks, and mom just can't do it anymore. She agrees, but still feels bad. I did call the place and told them if a shared room opened up first, we would take that. If he gets in a shared room first, he will be able to get to a private room when it opens up.
A nurse.....Deb and Eric have a friend who is a nurse and she is not working right now. She would love to help. Thinking she could go in from 7-10 each morning, then 7-10 at night. This is when the worst times are, and it would help mom a ton. Mom is still very hesitant, but agreed to meet her. She could start Monday. Eric is bringing them to dinner at his house tomorrow, and she will go over and meet them. I think once she tries it for a few days, she will like it It's just getting used to the fact that there is some help there. It will only be until a spot opens up at Chancellor. Hopefully, we will get a call in the next week or so. You never know. We are about 10 days behind....had we gotten on a list a little earlier, he would have been in there by now. However, mom wasn't quite ready to do it, and we all get that. Just hope a spot opens up soon. At night, at least for now, it will be best to have dad in the adult diaper. Never thought we'd be saying dad and adult diaper in the same sentence.
Mom needs all the support she can get now, so if you have some time, give her a call.
Was getting ready for work Monday morning, and mom called about 7:00. They had been up for several hours, and dad hadn't been able to pee. Was in a lot of pain. Because of the weather and fog, told her to call 911, and I would meet her at the hospital. Dad was in sooo much pain when I got there, they hadn't put in a catheter yet. He was doubled over on the hospital and shivering like crazy. We left the room when they put the catheter in, and that gave him a ton of relief. All of the tests on his kidneys and urine came back good, so the doc's thinking was dad probably had a swollen prostate and to leave the cath in for a few days, then got to his personal physician and get it taken out.
We took dad home in the afternoon, and got him settled on the couch. Showed mom how to drain the catheter bag, and then Eric stopped by that evening. He got dad settled in bed, then returned Tuesday morning. Dad has had a tough time making it to the bathroom, so Eric showered him and got him cleaned up. Ann came down that afternoon, and stayed for a few days. She took dad to his doc on Wednesday, and the cath was taken out. Dad didn't start going to the bathroom until later Wednesday evening, but at least could go on his own.
BUT - apparently, his innards are pretty sensitive, because he has been going a lot. Ann left on Thursday, and mom was sad to see her go. Friday wasn't a good day at all. Mom said dad was mean, kept having accidents, and she was really on edge. Eric and I both talked with her last night, and told her to just let him sit on his couch, and try to get him to bed later. She did, and they had a good night until about 5:00 this morning. Dad suddenly got out of bed, and was urinating on the bedroom floor. Wouldn't let mom help him, was yelling at mom, and she called Eric. When Eric got there, dad was sitting on the bed in his wet clothes. Eric got him to the shower, but dad clenched his fists at him a couple of times and Eric was preparing to get smacked, but it didn't happen. Got him showered, and ended up putting an adult diaper on him, just in case. Tucked him back in bed, and dad slept for a few more hours. I headed up about 8:30, and when I got there, Eric had just cleaned up from cooking them breakfast. Dad was in his usual spot, and mom was pretty rattled. We talked to her about getting a nurse in at night to help, and she is very resistant to this. Told her that we aren't always going to be able to come over, and if Eric is out of town, as he will be soon, I am too far away. Went to the store for her, and we both hung out until this afternoon. Mom is pretty down on herself. Feels guilty that she can't take are of dad, and that she gets upset. I told her this is like anything else in life - you do the best you can do at the time, and she has done really good. Dad has deteriorated a lot in the last 2-3 weeks, and mom just can't do it anymore. She agrees, but still feels bad. I did call the place and told them if a shared room opened up first, we would take that. If he gets in a shared room first, he will be able to get to a private room when it opens up.
A nurse.....Deb and Eric have a friend who is a nurse and she is not working right now. She would love to help. Thinking she could go in from 7-10 each morning, then 7-10 at night. This is when the worst times are, and it would help mom a ton. Mom is still very hesitant, but agreed to meet her. She could start Monday. Eric is bringing them to dinner at his house tomorrow, and she will go over and meet them. I think once she tries it for a few days, she will like it It's just getting used to the fact that there is some help there. It will only be until a spot opens up at Chancellor. Hopefully, we will get a call in the next week or so. You never know. We are about 10 days behind....had we gotten on a list a little earlier, he would have been in there by now. However, mom wasn't quite ready to do it, and we all get that. Just hope a spot opens up soon. At night, at least for now, it will be best to have dad in the adult diaper. Never thought we'd be saying dad and adult diaper in the same sentence.
Mom needs all the support she can get now, so if you have some time, give her a call.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
#1
Heard from Chancellor today, and dad is first on the list for the next private apartment. So glad, as all of us, including mom are ready to make this last step. Dad has really gone downhill the last few weeks, and it's apparent to all of us that this will be the best move - for both dad and mom. This is still one of the most difficult things any of us have had to come to terms with, but it's the right thing.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Our Girl Beyonce
Spent about 3 hours at the folks tonight. Dad was really agitated when I first got there - wandering around the house, opening and closing all the closets and doors. He did settle down and sat in his usual spot. I sat down by him and he told me he didn't want to talk to me. Mom had gone down the hall and didn't hear him. He fell asleep, so mom and I worked on the puzzle. Had to re-do some of it, cuz all the pieces were out of sync. Mom blamed it on Mike. (Sorry, Mike) Checked on dad, and he had the cushions off the couch, sitting there with his pants and garments down. Yikes! Told mom she would need to take care of it - I do NOT want to see my dad naked. No way. She was really good with him, very patient. After he wandered around a little bit, he came and sat down in the family room and watched the football game. Just as the half time show was starting, David called and mom was talking to him. Dad liked Beyonce. Said she was really pretty and she could dance. He watched her dancing around and then asked, "Does she wear pants?" Told him not very often, and considering he had his pants off about 15 minutes earlier, I was laughing pretty hard. Wanted to give mom all the time to talk to David, so I took off. Kissed dad's head and told him I loved him. He smiled just a little, and turned to watch our girl dance around without any pants.
****Both mom and dad were really tired, since the last 2 nights haven't been the best. Dad's Parkinson's was really showing tonight - shaking a lot. Mom said she couldn't understand why he was shaking so much. Reminded her that the dr said the more tired dad is, the more tremors we would see. Oh yes, she remembers now. Hope they can both get some sleep tonight.
****Both mom and dad were really tired, since the last 2 nights haven't been the best. Dad's Parkinson's was really showing tonight - shaking a lot. Mom said she couldn't understand why he was shaking so much. Reminded her that the dr said the more tired dad is, the more tremors we would see. Oh yes, she remembers now. Hope they can both get some sleep tonight.
Weekend Update
Talked to mom Saturday morning. Dad was up and down Friday night, so neither of them had much rest. She had just gotten dad in the shower, after a few hours of wrangling. He did not want to shower and he had clenched his fists at her. Told her that I just wasn't going to be able to make it up, but Sunday afternoon would work. She burst into tears. Cue the guilty daughter. Told her I was sorry, and I would see what I could do. She was OK, just a bad morning and was looking forward to having some company. I did text Eric and Erica, and both of them were able to stop by yesterday afternoon. Richard and Rhea also stopped by, and I am going up this afternoon. Talked to mom about 9:30 last night, and she was working on her puzzle. Dad refused to go to bed, so she just let him sleep on the couch. She covered him up and went to bed, but checked on him throughout the night. About 5 a.m., she heard him rustling around. Walked in the front room and he was standing in front of the couch with no pants, garments, etc. Nekkid from the waist down. She asked him where his pants were, he told her he didn't know. She found them in the family room, and they were wet. Got him some dry clothes and talked him into showering again. Guess he told her to be quiet and clenched his fists at her. When I talked to her at 8:30 this morning, he was sleeping on the couch and she was going to leave him alone. Said she is ready, it's time. She was in good spirits, as come to terms with the fact he will be moving to Chancellor in a short time. She is still worried about how he will react, though.
Talked with Abby at Chancellor yesterday. They had someone move out, so we have moved up on the list. This means we are 1 or 2. Abby had forgotten her keys, so was not able to get into the file to check for sure, but said she or Tammy will all me tomorrow. We are closer. Fred is going to get a dresser and nightstand this week, and Eric will get the bed and recliner cleaned up.
Going up this afternoon, and will update everyone when I get home.
Talked with Abby at Chancellor yesterday. They had someone move out, so we have moved up on the list. This means we are 1 or 2. Abby had forgotten her keys, so was not able to get into the file to check for sure, but said she or Tammy will all me tomorrow. We are closer. Fred is going to get a dresser and nightstand this week, and Eric will get the bed and recliner cleaned up.
Going up this afternoon, and will update everyone when I get home.
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