Thursday Evening

Talked to Deb - she spent some time with dad this afternoon, took him a shake.   They looked at pictures and then she sat with him while he ate dinner.  Beef burritos and fries.  When she left, she told him she needed to get home and immediately saw his demeanor change.  Said he would go home with her.  She told him that the place he was in would take good care of him.   He told her, "Just go do your stuff."   Ouch.   She gave him a kiss and left, but felt horrible.   My immediate reaction was to get in the car and drive up to Layton, but then had to look at things from a non-emotional viewpoint.  I called Trina, who is with dad tonight until 10:00.  She said dad was agitated, but they were letting him sit in his chair for awhile to calm down.   It's the best thing to do.  I also spoke with Abby, because she had called me about some paperwork.  She pointed out a couple of things to me, which makes sense.  During dad's transition, and even after he is feeling comfortable, we will never know what will set him off.  He is confused, knows he is not where he normally is, and is trying to understand.   She said try not to internalize this, and remember that if the real Charlie was with us, he wouldn't be mad and would agree with what we are doing.  She is right.   The best thing to do when Alz patients get agitated, is to leave them alone, as long as they are not endangering themselves.  The worst thing I could have done is drive up there - I could have started his agitation all over again/made it worse.   When looked at from this perspective, it makes sense.  It's hard not to look at it from an emotional standpoint.  I told mom that dad had been upset - I didn't tell her how much, because I don't want her to start worrying.   She is going to call there again in about an hour and see how he is doing.   So, now we know not to say the word home.   But, we may say something else that may set him off.  Abby said they have had people get agitated by foods - something sparks a memory and off they go.  It could be a color, or something that we wouldn't even think would spark anything.

Mom sounds good.  Has been cleaning today, and going to see dad in the morning.   I told her she could go again this afternoon, but she said, "I've already been down there today".  I think once the newness of all of this wears off, she will feel like she can visit him several times a day.   It's hard to walk in there and realize that we can stay as long as we like.   There are no set visiting hours.  If I decide to drive up to watch him sleep at 1:00 in the morning, I can.   This is good, but again, needs time to get used to this.  Dad is going to have good days, and not so good days in his new environment, just like he had when he was home.  Need to remember this, and not expect that he will be happy all of the time.