Wednesday

I left this morning to come home.  I went to see Dad on my way out.  He was just coming out of music therapy when I ran into him in the foyer.  He said "well hello, look at you."  I thought it looked like he knew who I was.  I said Hi Dad, just who am I?  He smiled and said "you"re my son."  That got a laugh from everyone.  I said, try again, My name is Ann, the daughter.  But he was chuckling (no pun intended) and I don't really know if he knew me or not.  I walked him down the long hall to his room, I could see he was pretty tired.  We chatted about breakfast and music class and Addy.  We got to his room and he sat in his chair and we talked a little about Idaho and the store and Gaylord and he did remember Kellie my daughter cuz Addy looks like her.  Said he did, anyway.  Then I tucked him into his blanket and he was kinda dozie and so I said well I'll go now so you can nap.  He said, allright, I don't blame you.  Kissed him goodbye and left.  It's sooooo hard.  He looks very alone and forgotten but I know he's not.  I just hope he doesn't feel abandoned.  He really is feelin it more than we thought he would.  But I think with a little time he will be ok and adjust ok.  The staff really seems to be wonderful and genuinely caring.  They would have to be to do the things they do.  I talked to Tiara the gal who helped him get dressed this morning and she said he's been pretty nice and mild except for when she was helping this morning he took one swing at her but she saw it coming and moved out of the way.  Other than that, he's doing pretty good.  The poor guy, it's all so new and he doesn't have the capability to put it all into words.  He does seem to like the food tho.
Mom is having quite a hard time.  Yesterday when we were at the music hour the guy was playing and singing love songs from their era and mom and dad were sitting there holding hands and mom was crying.  All that sentimentality and memories was just a little too much.  She said it felt like she was leaving him all over again.  She has such tender feelings right now and I can only imagine how she is feeling it.  Her half is back there at Chancellor  and she has to get used to her new life alone and living alone and she's got quite an adjustment to go through.  It's grief, plain to see.  I felt bad leaving her today and coming home.  BUT, she is determined to do it, to get adjusted and get used to her new life.  I could have stayed a few more days, but then thought that maybe she needs to just get on with it and not be dependant on someone there all the time.  She didn't go there today to see Dad.  She felt she needed a little while to adjust and not have to see him and go through all that emotion again.  So she can call anytime she wants for an update on him and when she feels ready she will go back there.  She loves the phone calls and the support from family and friends.  She's quite the chatty Kathy when she gets calls so that helps.  Tonite will be her first night alone.  We told her if she wakes up and needs to talk, feel free to call.  I'm awake half the time anyway.  So.....we'll see what the next few days bring.  Let's hope and pray it's all good.