End of One Year, Into Another. What Will 2013 Bring?

Went up to the folks yesterday, Dec 31.  Good day, in that dad was sleeping all the time.  Mom was tired, but not irritable tired, even though they had a restless night.   Dad stayed in his pajamas and slept the whole time.  Mom and I had a good talk, about everything.  I have some phone calls to make this week, looking into scheduling the assessment, and checking on another assisted living place, as well as a day program available in Clinton.   Mom said yesterday that she wasn't ready to put him anywhere.  Reminded her that they have had a couple of good days, but when it turns bad, she is ready.   So....

Called today, Jan 1.  Good night, bad morning.   Dad went to the bathroom and came out - wet on both the front and the back.  He had a big wet spot yesterday,when I was up there, too.   Told him this is 2 days in a row.  She said she thinks he misses.  Uh, no.  Too much to just miss.  He probably waits too long.   Said he was very upset with her, because she suggested he go change.  This was after he sat down in the chair.  He told her no.  She told him to get it done.  He got up and moved over to the couch.  She said she lost it, and him getting more upset is because of her.   I guess they went back and forth a few times, and dad stood up and told her to get out.  Walking toward her and it scared her, because he kept repeating it.  She called Dean to come down.  Dad then sat back down, won't talk to her, won't look at her, won't eat.  She called Dean back and told him never mind.  Dean told her it is time to start looking at places for dad, can't keep doing this.  She told him we are working on it.  Told her to just let dad sit.  In a few hours, fix him something and tell him it is ready.  Don't ask him.  He does better when you just tell him, as questions only confuse him more.  She said it won't do any good.  Reminded her of our conversation yesterday - she is ready today, and seems to lose patience more easily.  She agreed.  Told her to just let him sit, and she can keep herself busy taking down Christmas decorations.   I will call her this afternoon.

This is the same round and round we have been going through.  Mom knows she loses patience, and I think she tries, it is just so foreign to her to have this new relationship.  Fred and I were talking about it, and agreed that they now have the mother/child relationship.   Mom would never have talked to dad the same way when he was the real dad.   He is not capable of having any time of filter on anything, and she seems to have a difficult time understanding this, even though this is part of the Alz, and we have discussed it many times.  

I am like Trent...sigh.   Gotta get something done.  Probably a good idea to call Dean this week, and fill him in more on things, since I don't know how much mom tells him.