Mom and I went to dinner last night. She is doing OK, but is really lonely. She knows this is something she has to deal with, but she honestly seemed a little down. As we ate and talked, she perked up somewhat. We talked about how we need to help more in getting adjusted to his new home. First - Remember that he will have bad days there, just like he did at home. It's the disease. Second - Keep the visits shorter until he gets settled in. Don't bring up home, or even refer to home. Third - Don't visit him at mealtimes. He is on pretty much on a routine schedule with meals, and needs to get used to us not being there when he eats. This will allow him to be more on his own, because when someone is with him, he tends to get "helped" a lot. And, this will also help him be more social with his fellow Alz folks. Last, but certainly not least - If dad is asleep when anyone arrives, don't wake him. You can tell when he is in a deep sleep, and just dozing. If he is in a deep sleep, sit for a bit and see if he wakes up, but it doesn't turn out well when he is awakened. He is disoriented and tends to be very angry. Mom agrees. Everyone is learning about how to deal with all of this, and it isn't easy. We went to the store, and picked up a few things for her. Talked her into trying a few Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice meals, then add some cottage cheese and veggies to it. I also stressed to her that even though it is just her, she needs to eat well and take care of herself, especially during all of this. She said she understood. I also stressed that it is going to take some time for dad, and everyone to adjust. Nothing is going to be great overnight.
When I left mom, she was in a much better mood. Stopped at dad's, and he was dozing in the chair at the end of the hall. His eyes were half shut, so I knew he wasn't fully under. I sat down, touched his arm, and told him I was here to see him and he couldn't even wake up. With his eyes still closed, he said, "Who's there?" Told him my name and that I was his daughter, and he just smiled. I asked him if he was really sleepy, and he said yes. Told him I brought him some cookies, and I would just leave them in his room and see him another time. I took a few steps, and he said, "Where ya goin? Thought I was gonna get a cookie?" Gave him one and he started to perk up. We sat there and talked - told him I was glad he hadn't slugged anyone for a day or two. He smiled. Also told him that he doesn't need to slug people - everyone is there to help him, and he is not in danger. He said OK. He was ready to go into his room, but couldn't remember where it was. (He is about 3 feet away from the door.) Helped him into his room, and when I showed him his nametag, he said, "Well, how about that?". Settled him in the chair and tucked his blanket around him. Asked him if he stood at his window today and looked out - said yes. "There was a big plane that just about hit the building. He was about 4 feet off the ground." Asked if he was scared, and he said no, he thought it was pretty neat. Told him when it warms up in a few weeks, we will get him outside and take some walks, and he said that sounded good. We are moving in the TV and a small table this week, and he said the TV would be good. We can leave it on the western or military channel, and he may just watch it more. He was pretty sleepy, so told I him I was leaving, but would be back. Gave him a kiss and told him I loved him, and he said "Thanks, sweetheart." Gotta say - as good a day as he had, it is damn tough to leave him. I can see how mom feels, somewhat, when she leaves. He didn't mention going home or anything like that, so I can imagine how difficult it is for her. Yup, I cried for a little bit on the way home. When I left, I talked to some of the aides. Met one of the aides that was on the reciprocating end of the slugging when dad thought they were taking his stuff. She is a little itty, bitty thing. Said he has quite the swing - told them he always has, boxed in high school and has always been strong. They said his behavior is normal and sometimes takes a month or two to adjust. I left feeling good, but sad.
Talked to mom this morning. She called dad's place about 8:30 last night, and he was in bed. Figured he would be in bed early. She had a good night, and seemed to be in a pretty good mood. going to lunch with her friends today, then going to see dad. She is also excited about going to grandparent day with Zane and Max tomorrow morning.
To everyone - Call here and stay in touch . She likes to hear from people, even if it's just a brief phone call. Tell her about what you've been doing, ask about her day. She needs contact and it will help her immensely. Haven't heard yet how dad's night was.
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Update, 9:15 a.m.
Dad had a good night. Didn't want to get dressed this a.m., so ate in his jammies. Not the first time someone has done that. In a good mood, wanted to go back to his room and sit in the sun. No Rocky moves, thus far. Keep your fingers crossed.
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