I have such mixed emotions as I write this. The last week has been rough for pop- he has declined rapidly. Pop is almost at the end of his mortal life here, and will soon be free of pain and his Alz. This makes me relieved and happy for him. However, my heart aches like it has never ached before, with the sadness that he is leaving us. He is an incredible example of a kind human being, and that is something I will always remember about him. He never judged anyone, and was always willing to give people second and third chances. My emotions and thoughts are not exclusive to me at all. I know that family and friends share the same thoughts, in addition to their very own special memories of Chuck.
I had the honor of spending the last 24 hours with him, as he would go between sleeping peacefully and mumbling things I could not understand. He was clear on a few things though, and that is the fact that he was talking to his mother, and also mentioned that "they are working on me." When he would get agitated and restless, I would sit by his side, put my hand on his head, and assure him I was there. He knew I was there, just as he knew when other visitors came in. I fed him applesauce and his appreciation of feeling this in his dry mouth was clear. When I left him this afternoon, I kissed his head and held him for a moment. He opened his eyes and smiled.
The Hospice nurse tells us he has a few days. It is possible he could rally, but the likelihood of this happening is slim. He is almost ready to go. We are waiting for him to take that final walk and be free of his pain. We can only imagine the reunion he will have on the other side, and how happy he will be to see his family. We do know that once he passes, he will be the real Charlie, the one we will deeply miss, but will always remember and keep in our hearts.
Hope you are at peace soon, sweet Pop.
Great post Celia. I feel bad I'm not there, but I also feel good that you, Deb and Fred are there for dad. I have been thinking today about the possibility of me not being there when he goes fishing. I have mixed emotions about that. Part of me wants to be there, and part of me doesn't. Me and Pop spent a lot of time together fishin'. He truly loved doing that, and I cannot think of a time when we didn't catch a fish. I'm glad that he's getting ready to go again. He's long overdue, and I'm sure Grandma, Grandpa, and Dale are there and they have his pole strung and baited. That is one reunion that I would love to see.
ReplyDeleteEric, Pop would want you to do what you had been scheduled to do. However, I understand how you feel. There will be quite a reunion - Grandpa, Grandma, Dale, Marion, Dale Jr., Jean, Pat, plus several more. Fun times!!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget Duke!! His loyal dog when he was a teenager
ReplyDeleteI've always thought that too, seester, that he is the kindest person I know.
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