This past week has been a rough one for Chuck n' Shirl. Especially monday and tuesday nights. Dad was particulary agitated at mom, and she at him. Monday night, Dad wanted to go to bed with his clothes and shoes on. Mom called me and she was very frustrated. Told me that "my father was not being very cooperative", and she told him that she was going to call me. Geez! I never thought my mom would ever call me, to tattle-tell on my dad! I told her to let him go to bed with his clothes and shoes on. She said no. she wasn't going to let that happen. Anyway, after some coaxing, I was able to calm mom down. I called her back around 10:30 that night, and dad was in bed. Whew!
On tuesday night, I called mom around 9 pm. They had gone to a viewing along with Uncle Dean. She said that they had a good day and evening. But when they got home, Dad wouldn't take his coat off. Kept telling her that he was going to go outside. Of course mom told him no, and that made him mad. So, I asked mom to hand him the phone, thinking I could get him to calm down. He got on the phone. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was just trying to get home. I told im he was home, and that he should take his coat off and stay awhile. He again said he just wanted to die and go home. I didn't know what to say after that. I talked to mom again and she said they would be alright. I reminded mom to just let things go. She agreed, but was mad at me. I called her back around 10:30 again, and dad had made it to bed. She apologized for calling like she always does. I think when she calls me, she's just wanting to me to come over and take dad from her.
On wednesday, there were no issues. Dad stayed in his jamas all day. This morning when I called her, dad was still in bed. Celia had also checked in with them. Dad didn't get up until around 9 am.
Today, I decided to surprise mom and stop in after work. I came in the front door, and dad was in the recliner asleep, in his PJ's. Mom was in watching TV. As soon as she looked at me, I could tell that she had been crying. I sat down and she unloaded. During breakfast, dad has some snot dripping into his cereal, but he ate it anyway. Gross yes, but nothing new. Mom didn't like that and said something to him about it. He got mad at her, and it went downhill from there. Later on in the afternoon, Dad was alseep again with some stuff dribbling down from his mouth. Mom went to wipe it for him, startling him. He grabbed her wrist and said, "what the hell do you think you're doing". Mom was pretty upset about that obviously. I again reminded mom that when she gets mad, she needs to realize it and not respond. She again agreed, but it's hard for her. Steven stopped by and stayed for a few minutes. Mom told me that Melissa came by and her visitig teacher as well. She had quite a few visitors today. I stayed and ate dinner. Dad ate well. I told him that it was shower night. He hadn't showered since monday, and had been wearing his PJ's for two days straight now. He agreed, so I led him back to the bedroom and started explaining to him what he had to do. Mom came back and took over. He was actually asking for her. I left when he started to take his shirt off. I hope all went well.
I did notice something tonight as I was helping with dad. I could see the old Chuck in his eyes tonight. But it was the look that he gave you when he would snap his fingers and point at you when you did something wrong. Used to scare the crap out of me! As I was being direct with him, he was giving me that stink eye under those bushy eyebrows. He looked mad, and I felt it. But, he wasn't quite sure how to deal with me. I think he knew he couldn't talk to me like he does mom. So, he kept his cool. But those eyes.........not happy at all. Mom is at the end of her rope. She can't deal with it, and if something isn't done soon, we're gonna have both of them in bad shape. Talked with Celia again. She's going to try and get up this weekend. It will be good that Trent is coming down. That assessment needs to happen like Celia said. The sooner the better. Kinda long post tonight I know. It's been a rough week, but I just felt like I needed to inform everyone of the latest.
Agreed that moms done. I've talked to her several times this week also, she's even called me which doesn't happen much. She's really on edge and seems like she just cannot handle it anymore.
ReplyDeleteRough week, indeed. Just talked to mom, and dad slept in the recliner last night. She said he slept all night, didn't cough, and doesn't seem to have much of a cold today. He is in a good mood, but very confused. We have all talked about it, and know that after the holidays, we will get things rolling to move Dad. It's not easy, as we all know. this will be the best thing for both mom and dad, and that is how we have to look at it. I don't think anyone can judge how difficult this is, until you are smack dab in the middle of this type of situation. I have seen that anger from dad towards mom. It was when I went up last month to take him to his doctor appointment, I walked in when dad had his voice raised. He was telling m om he was NOT going to brush his teeth, and he was angry. Was this yelling? No, but his voice was raised, which surprised me, considering we can barely him when he talks. The fact that he grabbed her arm, which I have also seen, is disturbing. When dad was "dad", he would never do this. What we are seeing is the effects of Alz, where things that he would not normally do start surfacing. He now swears, and if he progresses to dropping an F bomb, mom will probably faint. A few people have brought up home care for dad. This may work for some, and I think it's dependent on each individual situation. This won't work for dad, and here's why: 1. He didn't want home care, which is why he does not have it in his long term care policy. This would come out of our own pocket.
ReplyDelete2. Dad was very vocal with me that he would not want any of his kids or family taking care of him - i.e., changing his diapers. (If it comes to that).
As a family, we need to respect this, as difficult as it is. I think everyone is on the same train, but I know I even waffle back and forth, based on my own emotion. I find that I have to take a step back, and remind myself that it isn't about how or waht I feel. It's about the folks. Never in a million years would I have thought we would be putting my dad anywhere, other than his home.